Alone with herself

      She laid awake in bed, recurring images of the past invaded her mind while she tried to remain still, ignore them and think of nothing of the like. Old shattered dreams of happy futures haunted her like ghosts. She covered her head with the blanket and took solace in the warmth of her bed. It wasn´t early but she did not want to get out of bed. Forgetfulness was something she was not good at. She marveled at how some people were able to achieve their wildest dreams when for her the simple things that make life worthwhile seemed to elude her efforts. No matter how careful she tried to be or how much she tried to protect herself, the things she feared the most came knocking at her door. Sometimes she just did not care anymore and she let herself go with the flow of the unavoidable events that life becomes sometimes. At some point she would find herself anew and she would be able to experience the joy of simple things again.

       As John Lennon said “Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.” Truth is the man died of several gunshots, but after the end he suffered no misery because he was dead and when there is death there is nothing else. In addition to that, the Nature of Life is change so if some shit comes to one´s life it must also depart. Her life was not so bad after all. She only had to motivate herself and remember the good things she had experienced. Why do we obsess about negative things so much? Why do they come to mind more often than the happy memories we might have? Never-mind. Thinking about it would not help her anyway. She finally got up and prepared some aromatic fruit tea. When she sipped at the tea she had just prepared, the rich flavor and warmth of it made her feel better.

       After all was she not used to chaos? She would distrust anything that was not chaos because sooner or later what was harmony and beauty would turn to chaos. The other way around should also be true...Maybe life really was all about accepting things instead of wishing for ideal situations. Maybe acceptance was the ideal situation. One question remained: When is acceptance OK? When should one stop fighting for one´s dreams and reshape them instead?...There would never be absolute answers for life because life is only for living; most of the time we can only improvise and often we do it poorly. However it might be, she was ready for work now and all the nonsense would have to wait. Hush!